Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Where to begin....things have been tough around here. Real tough. On all of us. We are at the end of one journey, anxiously waiting to begin the next. I have wanted to break down several times lately and give up. I've wanted to say that I can't do this anymore. But before I can get to that point, I am very quickly reminded that I can do this, but not alone. I need my God. Because with Him, I can do all things. Taylor has been having an especially hard time lately. She does not like her teacher at school and has been having a hard time academically. School does not come easy to her at all, so it's something she has to work extra hard at. Which is not a bad thing, she can't be naturally good at everything she does. :) but shes hard on herself. She gets easily frustrated. She's not an easy one to teach, so we get easily frustrated as well. My worst fears about school have come true. Taylor is gone all day at school, and then comes home and we sit and do more school work to help her with all the stuff she doesn't understand, which ends up with tears, cause she gets frustrated. Then it's dinner time, shower time, and bedtime. And that's pretty much how everyday goes. I'm sure it's just a phase, but it's been hard. Aside from all the school issues, we've been having emotional issues with her as well. She's very sensitive to begin with, but there have been tears about everything. Don't need to get too detailed about this, but lots of tears pretty much sums it all up. And it's hard because I don't feel like I can totally be there for her. I feel like with everything going on at school and with everything going on at home, that she is carrying the weight of the world, but she's only 6. I think it's a lot of different emotions for her to be dealing with all at once. It's hard to watch, because she is 6 years old and should be loving school and should be smiling more. She shouldn't be crying this much, and be this sad. Im hoping the arrival of her brother will be a smooth transition for her...And the rest of us.
It has all been worth it though. I don't regret our decision in any way. None of us, including my dr's thought we'd get this far. It's amazing,it truly blows my mind. One of my nurses mentioned something about does this make me want another one cause we've gotten so far. No way!! It's made me think about God's plan. I've sat here thinking that this should've been done for me when I was pregnant with devan. I should have been monitored this closely with her, and maybe she wouldn't have come so early. But then if that were the case, if I was going through all this the second time around, we probably would not have gone through it again a third time. So I'm thankful for everything. I would not go back and change a thing. Now I anxiously await this little guys arrival. I'm not gonna lie, I'm more anxious about this c-section than any of the others. I just pray that everything goes smoothly.
My appointment yesterday was fine. My dr thinks the second I go off my medication that I will go into labor. My uterus was very irritable yesterday and that's being on a strong dose of meds. Tomorrow at my high risk appointment we will discuss what that dr thinks. Will he keep me on the meds till 36 weeks? Will he take me off at 35 weeks? Hopefully his arrival date will be somewhat planned. It being my 3rd c-section and all. My dr doesn't want me contracting a lot, and he wants to have a good assistant for the surgery. SO yes, that leaves me a little anxious feeling...But God is in control.
Looking forward to meeting this little guy! Cannot wait to bring him home and start our new life as a family of 5! Hopefully I'll have some exciting news tomorrow after my dr appointment! Stay tuned...

1 comment: